I no longer own my favorite focal length: the 50mm

When I began to get more into photography in my first year of university, I was fortunate enough that my mother was an avid photographer and I could have borrowed much of her gear. Her lenses in particular were quite an upgrade from my Fuji HS10 and X10. I quickly got past the 24-70 f2.8 and got more interested in the 70-200mm f4 which allowed me to blur out the backgrounds. A dream look I thought. I loved the 70-200mm, but having it on an APS-C body meant it was not ideal for portrait photography, since I’d frequently stand many meters away from my model and almost had to yell instructions at them.

Maybe a year later, I borrowed a 50mm f1.8 prime, and you can imagine how blown away I was. I could blow out the background just as much if not more and be so much closer to my subject. Naturally, the 50mm prime was on my shopping list later that week and I’ve shot with it primarily over the next few years.

My obsession with bokeh didn’t end however, and soon after discovering the magic of primes and wide apertures, I began to eye the 135mm f2. It took me four months' wages to buy it, but once I did, it quickly became my most used lens and the 50mm just stayed in my bag due to it’s small size only to be used once in a blue moon or indoors. The main idea, I thought, was that I’m doing portraits so it’s all about my subject and nothing else.

After several years though, I began to understand that people are shaped by their environments and those can also help tell their story. In 2020, I came across the exceptional portrait work of a Japanese photographer by the name of Hide Motooka (Instagram @ojitoole). He shot almost all of his portrait work on a 35mm f1.4 which completely shattered my view on what portraits ought to look like. My portraits in contrast at the time were very surgical and disconnected the subject from their surrounding world. His, on the other hand, told a story about the person. The wider focal length included the surrounding environment which provided the viewer with a context about where the subject was, but at f1.4 it was also quite out of focus so it was not distracting.

His work pushed me out of my comfort zone to finally start using my 35mm f1.8 more frequently and try to imitate his style. Most of my personal photography in Fall 2019 and 2020 was shot on that lens and I began to really enjoy it. So much so, that in January 2021 I had decided to upgrade to the 35mm f1.4. The magic of the 35mm on a Full-frame body is that when I’d frequently go to a cafe with a friend, 35mm turned out to be the perfect focal length to take an image of them whilst we were both sitting down. In addition, I was able to convey that we were in a cafe with the surroundings.

But despite my frequent use of the 35mm, I never let go of my love for the 50mm. For years I dreamed of having a 50mm f1.4 or 1.2, but I never got to the purchase and recently I lent my beginner friend my old nifty-fifty, which has left me with only the 135mm and 35mm in my camera bag. These two provide very different looks and are all I need on my shoots. The 135mm never fails to impress with it’s “3D pop” look and the 35mm for everything else.

Over the past few months I’ve been improving my GAS symptoms, which now makes me wonder whether I’ll ever get my dream 50mm.